When The Heart Speaks Louder Than Words

When The Heart Speaks Louder Than Words
Where Books and Coffee; blends well Perfectly

Monday, October 17, 2011

Love conquers all

how the power of love changed my life

Being the only girl in the family is not always what people per-scripted as somewhat "Lucky" ..
no~~ it's not..

I'm the only girl in the family with my 2 older brothers and 2 younger brothers... and somehow.. i don't feel Lucky at all~~ especially when it comes to my relationship with my mother.. our relationship back in the days wasn't really a good start.. to be honest, i couldn't even recall the caused of such coldness...it happened just like that...

At first i wasn't really bothered with it.. i was only 5 back then.. and i don't even understand how life operates.. but i started noticing the "coldness" when i was going to 13.. i realized our pattern of relationship between mother-daughter was pretty awkward... or if i must say.. LOVELESS..

we were totally two different people.. for her, i'm just a child that needed someone older to be taken care of.. and for me, she's just an old woman that responsible for my well-being.. she was no one...she was a stranger to me...

I don't understand how come the only girl in the family.... that supposed to be soo-closed to her mother.. supposed to be best friends?? feeling so empty and lonely...

i was envy with my friends.. they can cuddle and laugh with their mother... while i got beaten and scolded... i never felt the warmth of a mother.. we never hugged.. we never cried.. we never even laugh..she never taught me how to cook.. she never even prepared me for my 1st period.. my first encounter adulthood..... we were just two strangers living together.. and at some point i thought to myself.. i'm might be adopted.. i must be.. because all this while, she was sooo used to boys.. and suddenly there's this girl.. and she might started to freak out and panicked... and clueless on how to deal with this....one girl..

so i've tried everything.. i have acted like a boy..she would say "u're a girl, so act like one" i've acted like as one.. she would scolded me and say "unbelievable!!" i was all by myself...and finally i gave up.. it was hopeless.. she doesn't love me... maybe she never wanted a girl..and i kept setting that in my mind until i reach 18...and i determined to get out from Labuan... and move to KL.. away from her if possible...

Untill that one particular moment.. something happened....

it happen when my parents sent me to the airport.. and i was about to go~~ somehow.. i noticed that my mother acted so .. unlike her.. she was crying.. and on that particular moment..out of no where... i felt.. like my heart was going to explode and there this somewhat warmth in my heart... it's like love at first sight...

you can imagine how my heart changed just like a snap of a finger .....seeing her so weak with that tears... enough to prove that she does love me... and from that moment, everything that i always pictured her as a bad mother.. just gone with the wind.... and since that both of us changed ...changed for the better...as my parents adopted new a baby girl.. it bonded us.. me and my mother even closer.. and we never stop loving each other since..

so what i'm trying to say is that.. once you felt the love of your mother / father.. whatever happens in the past..it just stayed in the past.. cause what matters now.. is now.. it's how long u're gonna spend what's left for them..that matters the most... and that's how her love changed my life wholly.... and become who i am today...