Ever wonder why some people can be so secretive? I mean really private about their lives - every problem or any event that's happening are just not in your hearing list - you probably worried sick kan? yalah as a friend we tend to worry much and a bit terkilan why they didn't share that to you? i get that sometimes because i'm that secretive - even to my FnFs.
It's not that they didn't want to share every detail of their life - well some just loove to share just about anything; via FBs, Twitters, Blogs even IGs. Closer friend would know something is off and questioned why not sharing...
we all have reasons as to why we exactly do the opposite:
1. Because we just don't. No offends besties - it's not about seniority or how close your are with someone or how bloody related you are that affected the amount of info's to share - they just don't. Nothing personal.
2. Why even bother to tell? 20% are incapable to do anything about it, and 80% just don't even care.
3. We're not a good "sharer" . We are better off as a listener.
4. TRUST issue.
i would love to elaborate on point no. 4
I have problem with trust since high school. You know in School they have this student who act as "Pembimbing Rakan Sebaya" a.k.a PRS right? So one of my friends was a PRS.. PRS acts like befrienders where they listen to people's problems and help them to sort things out or just be there as a good listener can be. So apparently i've shared my black history to this friend of mine believing that they would never betrayed their pledge or dishonor loyalty or secrecy of their "customers" to public. Guess what? They SUCK!! .. just after sharing session; suddenly one of my friends go up to me and asked random questions that directly go to thats-suppose-to-be-secret Topic???? can you imagine the agony??? how can you betrayed to your customer plus YOUR FRIEND???? she's your fucking friend dude.. like what did i ever do to deserve such "friendship"??? i was a bit traumatized by the effect; i mean this is what you get when you share things about your life; they don't care and they only betrayed you and they'll use all the info for their own self-interest......well, since then, i became secretive like i rather be the listener than someone who's just babbling about self-drama.
You see, people have reason why they don't share the things that you wanted to know... so don't be offended if your best friend don't talk about their private life; it's supposed to be private in the first place.. I have dealt so many times when it comes with trust - at times i thought to myself that i should give them chances to get to know me more.. like i have to be open so that they'll know that i'm not that COLD.. but as i open up and be more care-free, betrayal seem to keep knocking at my doorstep.... what did i get? a break-up from a 13 years relationship with ex-fiance that stabs you for 13 whole fucking years................ and in the end i choose to isolate myself from social life ...
It's nothing personal it's just that i have trust issue since trust is such a big deal for me. you don't know who's gonna be your true friend until they stab you and left a big scar in your heart and apparently you'll have to live with it for the rest of your life. So much for trusting PRS huh (lol) ...
So yeah, don't break it if your incapable to keep that promise.. and please do understand that people who are secretive are meant no harm but peace and harmony and forever love... i mean what if people keep barging your doorstep just to ask you random personal questions and non-stop sibuk about your life? doesn't it suffocate you? Even celebrities want a piece of privacy bah.. don't we all???
It all started with diaries. Nothing but a sappy-dramatic-melancholic emotions wrap together in there; very straight forward, blunt, young and pretty much fragile. Then i learned that diaries are just too transparent, too naked, too predictable that people could actually read you but don't understand you and so - poetry was introduced to me.
Since then, i found poetry in every breath, every glimpse of moment, a blink of an eye and every step of my life.
writing has always been something close to heart. From diaries, i turn to poet-ries. it's one place that actually gave that scent of zen and the only place i can hide when the world seems unbearable to watch.
It may not be much of a comfort for you; but it does to me -
and not because i feel safe in it: but rather it made me more humane - less drama, less anger, less sadness, more faith and hope and love.
You feel me?
Maybe one day people would actually read my book; not because they want to know my story; but rather shared that same random feeling - that one simple word that would crack you, that made you feel something; Not because of that expressive jargon language... but that one specific word that actually touches you.
I've lost happiness along the way
I can't seem to find it anywhere
For all those time we've lost our track
Honestly it cause me a heartbreak
Who's fault is that? No one knew
The distances, the cold, the breaking rules
The 'i have to work' 24/7 a day
leaving me and daughter - alone and astray
I've lost your touch
Your Love as much
It seems we've forget to love at all
Letting me breaking alone and fall
I've lost happiness along the way
Can't seem to find it anywhere