When The Heart Speaks Louder Than Words

When The Heart Speaks Louder Than Words
Where Books and Coffee; blends well Perfectly

Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Love hurts

Love hurts

It hurts
In a good way
Even in a bad way
Either way; it hurts

Love hurts
When he left you
Even when she kissed you
Love hurts so bad

Love hurts
When you fall for your best friend
Seeing them with someone else
It hurts

Love hurts
When your family breakdown
When you cant have the baby
When your spouse past away
It hurts so bad

Still you turn to love
Even it kills you
Even it eaten you alive
Even when you have no where to go
You still turn to love

Love hurts
To the point of no return
To the tip of the ledge
Even you'll know you're gonna fall further
You'd still turn to love

Love hurts
Remembering your first love
Reminiscing your own worth
It hurts to move on
But still you turn to love

Monday, October 19, 2015

Snake

You knew he was a snake
from the very first glance
yet you kept him
and dreamed for romance
what?
you expect that he'll stay loyal
and changed?

*parasite: a blood sucking vermin that drains strength  from it's host ;Someone who sponges everything out of you; even to your last breath

Friday, October 9, 2015

life is a book

Life is a book.. Your own book

I learn that our lives are written in 1 book..
And that book is yours only
You hold the pen.. You wrote your own life
Whatever happens in your life
You wrote it in your own will
Your happiness, your agony, your anger, your troubles, your worries.. Everything..
You direct your own storyline and the universe manifested and turned it into a movie...

So any sad hurtful moments is not actually a whole of an episode... Its just merely a line or two
It cant be a documentary of your sad.... Devastating story...
There has to be an ending of every unwanted scene....
So learn to read the lines... And ready for new adventure...
Wise men once said...
Its never a failure when its just a lesson on every details of our life...
Stop reread that phase and start write a new exciting episode of your life....
Coz when you read back from episode 1..
You'll want to keep on reading and look forward for a new chapter... Coz you'll understand that its gonna be alright in the end...

Thursday, October 8, 2015

Mama

The pain at times seems unbearable
Still she survive; it's no Miracle
Standing straight she still smile
Those wrinkles; outshine her eyes
Saggy hand and hunchy back
Foreign language when she's mad
Yes, mom, I missed you
Wish I could come back

Monday, October 5, 2015

For Your Sake

If you love yourself
you won't hurt yourself
like what people did to you
Love is wise
Wise enough to think
for the sake of your soul
'Cause you're not living
only for today
there's another tomorrow
and the next day
the next day
and the day after that

Letting Go

Letting Go
is not because there's no more Love
Not because you don't have any choices
But because there's still hope
Hope for you... Hope for moving on
Hope for a new breath of life

Letting go
is not the last option you'll consider
Not the only Option you got left
But because Love itself
You Love her/him so much that you want every happiness blossom in their life
Even that happiness doesn't include You
So it's Okay to Let Go
Probably it's about Time


When Love is at-risk

Seek wealth and success in the world
To the point where you're family and loved ones are at risk
For what?
So that you'll end up being alone? 

My version of Sonnet18

As the sun dances; flashes its
Ray of light
I murmur your name with joy
And as the moon reflected the sun
I’ll kiss your name and wished
To see you again

Probably when the sun begins to dances
Again.. 
Tonight


20.09.14

Manusia

Penatlah nak explain kat orang masalah dari point 1 hingga point 100
Dengan tambahan sub-sub masalah di pertengahan breaking point
Dengan ragam manusia punya persepsi dan pendapat berbeda
Dengan ketidaktoleransi dan understanding dan empathy
Makanya… merungut itu jarang sekali ditunjuk-tunjuk atau diluah-luah
Cukup dengan bekalan “all is well”..
Biarpun gaji hujung bulan tinggal berapa Cuma
Biarpun belanja lebih dari diterima
Biarpun study makin heavy dan yuran makin mendaki
Garu kepala bila selak poket.. terobek...

Yaa… orang tidak mungkin akan paham
Yaa… orang akan kata “buli bah tu”, “ok lagi problem kau bah kalo banding dengan problem aku”
Eh.. main banding-banding pula dia
Yaa… semua punya masalah
Yaa… manusia Cuma kan?

Never say  “I understand”
Never say “ I feel you bro”
Never say “ sama ba masalah kita ni”
Because no matter what you say… it’s never match to what they feel
Respect would be the key…

Sepa kita mo bilang orang yang takut kucing itu “Whiny”?
Sepa kita mo bilang orang yang takut air itu "Drama"?
Hello kawan, cermin diri
Kita juga punya lowpoint sendiri
Kita juga beran bilamana masalah kita itu dianggap sekecil titik Cuma
Kita juga benci bila phobia dan trauma diperlekeh..diketawa
Yaa… manusia Cuma kan?



17.09.14

footnote**
“buli bah tu” : you can do it; that is nothing to compare with; that is acceptable 

Friday, October 2, 2015

Hipokrit

Aku nak lari
sungguh nak lari
Jauh dari sini
orang tak tahu
cerita benar mereka tak tahu
tahu mencela semua
gossip-gossip kebolehan utama

Aku nak sembunyi
biar tak jumpa sampai mati
hadir aku, jalan tetap jalan
hilang aku, jalan tetap didepan
self-interest terbukti
tiada empathy
tersemat cuma kepentingan sendiri

Aku nak move on
move on dari semua jenis kawan
kawan yang palsu, kawan yang lawan
cukup sedih secangkir kau tawan
susah dan daif kau tak pandang
semua salah terang benderang
susah dan daif kau tak faham

Thursday, October 1, 2015

He didn't know it

He; who flutters the heart
showed me what 'Love' is
and he didn't know it

'Kau jak yang tau tu' he said..
yes.. he's right
i'm the only one who knows
though he seems less care
i know he himself wondered
'How the hell i showed her that i cared?'

he; who flutters the heart
showed me what 'Love' is

His smiles
most sincere smile
his sleepy eyes
those innocent eyes he had
his heart
most handsome heart I've seen
maybe that's when i start fall for him

he might not know this
but he's the reason i woke up from deep sleep
he's the reason i stayed strong and wondered along
he's the reason no weakness could prevail me
and no mountains could waive me down

He's the reason i'm all dolled-up and girly
The reason i learn new instruments
he's the reason i don't wanna be sad no more
and the reason 'Love' is believable again

He might not know this but
he's the one who flutters the heart
and showed me what 'Love' is


**Though we're not togerther in the end;
Tanx for the memories and Lesson dear..
**06.10.2014

Footnote: "kau jak yang tau tu" : you're the only one who knows that

Simpati

No
aku tidak perlu simpati
semua yang kau duga juga belum pasti
belum pasti semua ada arti
belum pasti 'ikhlas' itu simpati
jadi simpan dan jaga diri

tepi kain orang
tepis tepi-tepi
jangan dibiasakan busybody
bukan nak tolong pun, lagi lari
jadi simpan dan MYOB sendiri

No
kau tak tahu
cerita sebenar kau tak tahu
tak tahu jadi senyap-senyap jalan dulu
senyap-senyap ubah haluan
pandang depan kat jalan kawan
jangan sebok lirik simpang

So NO
aku tidak perlu simpati

Rain

It rained today
i thought the blanket from the haze
covered the sky from dripping off
but it rained today

It rained today
I guess he saw me too
and tried to imitate me
So it's raining today

No, I'm not mad
Nor i'm Sad
I'm just too tired
tired of patience

that's why it rains today

Heroic workouts

As the food of morning glory indulge
the leftovers of stress
burn to ashes
and faded like a smoking fog
it seems the heroic workout
helps to ease a bit of despair
from the bolted mind

18.10.2014

khuatir sakit berulang
maju takut,
berhenti pun takut
Jara mengetip bibir
dulu dah kering
takkan nak berdarah lagi?
hmm..
khuatir sakit berulang

Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Do you still remember?

On the 7th Dec 2014
i want you to remember
the first thing you promised
when you asked me to accept you

that you'll take care of me
that you'll never make me cry
that you'll end my misery
that i'm the only one for you
do you still remember?
have you broken any of it?

i want you to remember
on the 19th April 2015
you've broke my heart and trust
Do you still remember?

Diam II

Kalau benda tu nampak potensi
untuk mengaibkan diri
elok simpan baik-baik jauh dalam hati
tak perlu expose diri
luah ke sana ke sini

kadang-kadang diam itu mengajar
untuk berdikari

jadi pilih
malukan diri
atau tenangkan hati

Friday, September 25, 2015

Excuses

There's always an answer
There's always an excuses
Even you saw me crying
There still an excuse

Friday, September 18, 2015

Sabar

Bila Sabar menjadi Rutin;
Tawar mula menyerap Batin

Bila Tunggu sering diungkap;
Bosan Mula mengetuk tingkap..

Masih Sabar kau tuntut
dari hatiku yang dah kemut

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Don't .. Just don't

The relationship has gotten to a point
where its too stable,
until he takes her for granted

Don't... Just don't ...
We're too weary
To be strong again..

A heartless soul was once cared
and loved too much
until their so-called soulmate crushed it..

So don't.. Just don't

Thursday, August 27, 2015

My Linsi

You're the reason i Cried
The reason i laughed
You forced me to pondered
It made me wondered

The reason i hesitated
Yet the reason i stayed
You're everything in between
This feeling i can't pretend

Such a Linsi
But for that i loved you
it's fixed ni

footnote : ni = this, as in 'this is it' kind of feeling




Sunday, August 16, 2015

Itu dulu

Early stage of our dating
Would be "wanna go for lunch?"
Twice a week
Probably on weekends too

The lightweight of his feet
To go from A to Z
Just to make sure dinner was eaten
Or Medicine taken

Those early stage of our dating
Was butterflies and candy
Laughing and teasing
Sometimes even kissing
Movies at 'Suria'
Dinner at 'Waterfront'

Itu dulu

Now it's just DVDs and 'tapau's
Suria to Megalong
Waterfront to 'Laopan'
More teasing and bullying

Either way...
I'm still into him

Monday, July 20, 2015

"iya"

Kadang-kadang
Lafaz 'iya' saja mampu
sebab sekali-dua terang pun
pahamnya tidak kau pulun
teranglah seberapa ribu kali
yang sakit bukan kepala mereka
tapi yang ini
tuan punya sendiri

#malar 'kadang-kadang'

Tak Ungkit; Pendam Jer

No.. No i didn't
But somehow this heart
Burns so bad
I can't do this
Packed early morning
and so i leave

with a short text
he found out
empty room he'd panicked
i didn't leave anything
i bring everything
for having another thought of
staying there; i just couldn't bear

This heart hurt too much
but i didn't say anything..

19/04/2015

When betrayal seems real

How could he?
after all that sugar-sweet
talking?
How could he?
Right under my nose 
he betrayed me
How could he?

Trust? Now that's a funny question

He hurt me once
He'll hurt me Twice
How can you expect
He'll never did thrice?

foot note: thrice; three times, extremely, very
19/04/2015

Rage

i write not because
of passion or leisure
i write not for the love of writing

i write not because it's
beautiful today
nor the birds are singing
harmoniously

i write for rage
i write because i'm angry
all the time
especially today

i write because 
this thoughts 
keeps bursting 
out of my head

i write because
when i say those words
that's in my head
it'll cuts deeper
deep into your heart
and you'll die of agony
of depression
that's why i write

And I choose ME

All my life
I've been living a lie
kept impressing people
so they could see me in their 'eye'
to like me and take me
as what they wanted me to be

all my life
i kept chasing these  people
so that they could stay close
and won't mingle
close but not closer but close enough

even if it's hurting me inside
and it left me nothing 
but a burning sight
i just don't mind

An aching heart 
and a drained soul
all the consequences
this LOVE i've sold
for wanting to be loved and more
i forgot i should've
love me....first

so i choose to love me instead
rather than someone else
well,not just yet

cause when they decided
to less care and leave
at least i still have Me
and ME is all i need

Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Distance

Hanya bila terpisah
Baru faham erti Rindu
Baru belajar erti Kosong
Baru lafaz erti Pulang

Hanya bila terpisah
jarak jadi topik utama
Rajuk mula jadi Punca
Pujuk; rela jadi pengalah

Hanya bila terpisah
Cinta datang dalam bagai bentuk
Ikhlas, Setia, Godaan juga
Hanya bila terpisah
Jujur kita Mula teroka
Uji dia sejauh bisa

Kerna Hanya bila Terpisah
Dia atau Kita
bisa jadi dalangnya
bisa jadi mangsanya
Hanya Bila kita terpisah

#Lama sudah ko di sana lai.. sa lupa sudah muka ko

#kadang-kadang3

Kadang-kadang
kita perlu telan sakit

Untuk bisa jamah
'dessert' nanti

Tuesday, July 14, 2015

ALONE

i rather stayed home
Alone

Then waiting for you
alone...

#kadang-kadang2

sometimes
i kept thinking what did i ever do
to deserve this?

maybe in my past life 
I've hurt too many people..
probably..

or maybe i just give too much
without concerning my happiness first

either way... do i deserve this?

Friday, July 3, 2015

selfnote


stop thinking about tomorrow
stop putting others in your shoes
stop comparing yours with others
stay humble and accept everything as GIFTS
be grateful; and thou shall receive
ABUNDANCE

#remind me to read this over and over every-time
i fall into a pitfall and thinking that nobody care

It's a learning process

It's a learning process;
this life we live in
Despite the hardship and bitterness
it's still a lesson we must merge in

It's still a learning process
this life we live in
its hard.. but still we're learning

don't quit.. 
not just yet..

#kadang-kadang1

Kadang-kadang
this heart suffocate
when i feel you're 
not responsible
kadang-kadang

Thursday, July 2, 2015

ENVY

Happiness i see in people
like when they hold their babies
like when they laugh with their loved ones
like when finally somebody got proposed, or engaged, or married

I envy them
i felt happy for them
yet i envy them

#Kadang-kadang

Kadang-kadang 
kita perlu bida 
untuk kembali cantek

footnote:
bida - Hodoh/ugly
cantek - yaa cantik lah

Monday, June 22, 2015

Man on The Ledge

Between intersection, he stood
Lurking and peeking below the surface
wondering if he falls, he'll die
with a gasp of air left in his hand
he prayed somehow it'll end

but still the ledge is where he stand
which way to go?
which where to bend?
left or right.. either way
he'll fall and die

and i am that man..
that man who stood on a ledge..


exes

You can't just simply befriend with your exes.. i'm just saying.. if you respect your woman; you'll know what to do.. same goes vice versa.. 

Friday, June 19, 2015

History; repeats itself

After bragging that you had him
with a snap of a finger
you'll realized he's starting to slip away
even after all that bullshit
you've been through

then you'll start changing
from bottom to top
to impress him
and hoping he 'sees' you

The truth is'
you're screwed

the fact that he doesn't love you for you
but your 'package' you'd offer

the fact that once you're out of 'that'
he'll just drop you off from
where you've picked
only this time
you'll left with nothing
but a drained heart and an empty pocket

Thursday, June 18, 2015

IDEA

Di sini tempat banjir
Banjir dengan idea-idea segar
dengan ruang dan masa sendiri
idea mampir tersenyum, tersengih

flushed.

Dengan air, idea hilang
ini kali kena bawa nota dan pen
supaya sempat idea disimpan



Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Belajar

Belajar menjarakkan diri
sebelum sedih menyingkap hati

Belajar berdiri sendiri
Terpinga-pinga tidak nanti

saya masih belajar

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Would you go back to that?

Knowing that people who’ve been broken and 
left behind with fractured heart to-go
But still able to love with every pieces they had left…
Probably the most bravest person I’ve met..

True
We are incapable to love again once the heart are broken… 
once the heart being cheated..
Afraid of going back to that phase.. 
that… very scary path that one wish not to return to again..
ever

But for those who never lose hope.. 
those who never stop believing that
LOVE is free… despite the hectic journey they’ve been through… 
regardless how tragic it may seem..
It doesn’t break their faith towards Love… 
they rather fall in love and broken and fall and broken all over again 
than guarding up feelings and lock it close and remain afraid for the rest of their life..


So I’m asking you… would you? 

Forgot - I am

I forgot how it felt
To be free from everything
Not depending on things
But own faith
I forgot how these songs used to be my prayers
When words were unspeakable and mimed

I forgot how far I have drifted 

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Time; Needs Time




Those were the time you felt numb .. deep inside..
you felt so sad that you couldn't cry... you're feeling that this is the end of salvation (dramatic much?) you're wondering how are you gonna get over those phase.. how the hell you're gonna get over him/her?



Soon... we'll come across those moments.. a glimpse of  realization.. a big huge.. hunk of relief... that all we need is merely time.. and believe me... time needs time..

Trust me... soon it will be your time.. i won't tell you when or how... it will be your own... blink of a night.. kind of moment.. 


Friday, March 13, 2015

Patah Kaki

Patah Kaki
Terkepil-kepil mata
bertengek tanpa destinasi
Menagih simpati?
Bukan sifat empunya kaki
Namun Hati ini terdesak
Terdesak untuk berlari 
Lari jauh dari titik yang sama
Yang tidak berganjak dari tadi

Patah Kaki
Aku pinjamkan kau
Agar kau bisa bangun dan berlari
Agar sama-sama boleh capai mimpi
Tapi bila sudah bangun
Kenapa tak kau kembali?
Kau bawa lari kaki ku ini
Jadi aku?

Patah Kaki
Sakit
Jangan kau datang balik
Cukuplah satu kaki kau curi
Satu lagi untuk aku
Untuk aku yang seorang ini

Kawan

Bukan Kawan dari kecil
Bukan kawan takat sekolah
Kawan Cuma beberapa lama
Lama pun tak lama
Tapi kawan ikhlas
Kawan Ramah
Kawan Mulia
Ya Tuhan
Mana dapat kawan macam ni?

Saat sedih Mengetuk pintu
Kau disisi sedia memicu kunci
Saat Amarah menyerap jiwa
Kopi Hazelnut kau sedia
Mungkin ‘gesture’ tak Nampak
Tapi niat aku Nampak
Ikhlas Niat si kawan
Niat meneman Jiwa berawan

Kau tau
Semua benda kau tau
Kau tau saat aku jatuh
Jatuh jauh dalam sedihku
Sungguh kau tau
Semua benda kau tau
Kau tau bilamana aku diam
Saat itu kau tau aku perlu teman

Aku mau kau bahagia
Aku mau kau gembira
Aku mau kau Berjaya
Cukuplah kasihankan aku saja
This is your moment
This is your time
Jadi, terbanglah kawan
It’s your time to shine

Tiada kata setulus jiwa
Yang dapat gambarkan
Bersyukurnya aku
Bertuahnya aku

Dapat kau jadi kawan


**dedicated to a dear friend.. Happy B'day Wawa :)

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Hubungan-Segera

Macam Mee Maggi
3-in-1 terus boleh 'ngap'
Kalau Mee segera cuma 3 minit
ini mungkin cuma 3 hari
bolehlah
daripada tiada

Friday, January 9, 2015

Hitting The Big 3-0

Frankly ... it felt no different than any of my previous b'days.. it's just another ordinary days only it's your b'day.. and of course you should feel nervous because you're leaving the 20's series phase of life... it supposed to be BIG thing for you... but... i don't feel any different.. unfortunately... sorry for disappointing.. maybe because i was born ready-made-to-face-the-world kind of person.. so i was kind of prepared for whatever may fall in front of me...

YAAAAAA RIGHT!!!!

30. not married. still in debts. still trying to move on from so-called terrible break-up. my Gawd.. i'm so not well-prepared for this.. they say when you reach 30; you should have "tick" almost half of you bucket-list .. and i'm still merely... not even quarter of the list... this is so sad.. so freakin' sad.. like.. dying-mode sad.. but just not dying.. i know i'm exaggerating..(come on.. what do you expect? we're woman.. we were born to be exaggerating.. telling the truth is just too boring) .. and to top it all up.. i bumped into my EX(with his new bitch) ON MY B'DAY .. i mean... how dramatic is that?? like seriously.. what is it that the Universe is trying to tell me? have i not changed yet? do i still have to encounter that phase again? ... really...??

But still... 1 thing that i'm grateful of is that... the youth in me is still shining throughout my exhausting life.. from what i've been through.. there should be some few fine-lines on my face... but i thanked to Gravity for not taking it away... FOR NOW... well.. 

honestly speaking.. i really don't mind if i have to encounter him again.. i wasn't flinching when i saw him.. it was kind of .. no-emotion-stare .. kind of encounter.. as if.. i wasn't care.. as if.. the feeling is just.. neutral... and it felt like.. its all good.. thanked God..

so... being 30 and still rocking it.. it's not really a bad thing after all... people still think that i'm younger than my age..(seriously?? guys?? sa ble jadi anti muda kamu woooh) ... which was really flattering .. and ... unbelievable .. (laughing)

and it doesn't matter if some part of your goals aren't there yet.. it's ok.. it's all about timing.. trust the timing of your life... what matter most is you enjoyed your life... start living than make a living... because we'll never know when we're gonna die.. as long as you believe that you have a purpose on this terminal life.. then stick to it.. and do it.. achieved those goals.. whatever makes you happy.. even if it's just a small thing to others.. it's pretty much a big thing for you...

LOVE LIFE? don't sweat it.. don't force it.. if it doesn't work out... then it wasn't meant to be.. not that i'm telling you to give up... you know what i meant... if you truly believe thats your destiny... GO FOR IT... nobody has the right to set up your happiness except yourself.. you're the one who holds the pen.. how can other do it for you? kan?? thats what i'm doing now... i know i've fucked up for soooo many times.. and i know all that i've planned didn't workout... i still believe there is LOVE.. i still believe in HOPE.. and i know... though i haven't seen it.. my destiny will come to me.. even if it takes me forever to see it..

So YEah... My b'day rocks!!! don't have to celebrate grandly... as long as i have my loved ones (Friends and Family) .. i am Enough... 

30 and still rocking it baby!!