I am Fine

I am fine
don't mind me
in a few minutes
I'll be alright;
really?
is that so?
weren't you crying
under the table
when your call
wasn't answered
at all?

it's okay
it'll work out
anyway
i always kept
my pose at ease -
really?
is that so?
i thought i heard
you stomping around
holding a fist
punching the air
while
gritting your teeth

i am strong
don't pity me
i have faith -
do you really?
then why your eyes
flickering with lies
and your heart burned
gasping for air
pointing out
you're alone
with your head down
hoping for space
escapes from the lenses
you keep screaming
that you're fine
you're okay
the burden you take
when you're is taken aback
with questions
that they stated
saying that you're fake

don't hide your feelings
say what you meant
a heart meant for healing
it's not the end
it's okay
to fall and cry
it's not wrong
to punch and bawls
this heartache
this hate
will slowly fade
and turn the day
from night
we're humans
after all
incapable to fight
this heartbreak
we tend to hide

is it wrong?
to show and tell?
what this heartfelt
when love is frail?
why ashamed
to admit your gloom
when it's not yours
to blame its doom?
fine;
we're broken
but doesn't it mean
we're just human?
rather than hiding
and pretend you're gay
laughing and joking
as if you were okay?

I'm okay
don't mind me
is it really?
you're fine
completely?
just stop;
stop it
stop it
stop it stop it;
it's okay
to say you're not
we're human anyway

regardless of our fright
say it freely
say it loud
say you're greedy
you're allowed
this feeling -
this hurt;
this easing -
it will invert
when I said
i was hurt
it doesn't mean
i am dead
it just meant
i need space
from all this haze
of uncertain maze

i know
i''ll get by
from everything
that prepared me
to die
even if
you're hurt
from that person so curt;
this despair will bare
from time to time
it will care

23.3.2019

Meroyan

Kata mereka itu hormon
Tindakbalas ubat konon
Tapi bagiku ia perasaan
Perasaan sunyi mengundang cobaan

Bila semua harus sendiri
Jenguk bayi, susu dan mandi
Rasa lebih seperti sendiri
Bila lagak more to 'single-motherly'

Moralti diketepi
Bila sokongan tidak dikecapi
Bergunakah "keluarga"?
Bila bilangan hanya "berdua"?

Kata mereka it's medical
Postnatal depression lebih detail
Padahal hanya perasaan
Perasaan Pedih mengundang Royan

09-10-2016

**Royan is a serious issue if not taken seriously
shout out to all husbands; pleas take care of your wives
especially during confinement

Speak Of You

I don't speak of you
The way you spoke of me
Telling them this and that - those and all
i didn't speak your name at all

I don't speak of you
The way you spoke of me
Even sometimes you saw me bragged
That wasn't you i babbled about -

The sea may part our heart and soul
I haven't speak of you at all
For trust and loyalty -
is what i preached;
i never speak of you
No - not even a heartbeat

05-06-2017

Happiness - Not

I've lost happiness along the way

I can't seem to find it anywhere

For all those time we've lost our track

Honestly it cause me a heartbreak

Whose fault is that? No one knew

The distances, the cold, the breaking rules

The 'I have to work' 24/7 a day

Leaving me and daughter - alone and astray

I've lost your touch

You’re Love as much

It seems we've forget to love at all

Letting me breaking alone and fall

I've lost happiness along the way

Can't seem to find it anywhere

28-06-2017