I am Fine

I am fine
don't mind me
in a few minutes
I'll be alright;
really?
is that so?
weren't you crying
under the table
when your call
wasn't answered
at all?

it's okay
it'll work out
anyway
i always kept
my pose at ease -
really?
is that so?
i thought i heard
you stomping around
holding a fist
punching the air
while
gritting your teeth

i am strong
don't pity me
i have faith -
do you really?
then why your eyes
flickering with lies
and your heart burned
gasping for air
pointing out
you're alone
with your head down
hoping for space
escapes from the lenses
you keep screaming
that you're fine
you're okay
the burden you take
when you're is taken aback
with questions
that they stated
saying that you're fake

don't hide your feelings
say what you meant
a heart meant for healing
it's not the end
it's okay
to fall and cry
it's not wrong
to punch and bawls
this heartache
this hate
will slowly fade
and turn the day
from night
we're humans
after all
incapable to fight
this heartbreak
we tend to hide

is it wrong?
to show and tell?
what this heartfelt
when love is frail?
why ashamed
to admit your gloom
when it's not yours
to blame its doom?
fine;
we're broken
but doesn't it mean
we're just human?
rather than hiding
and pretend you're gay
laughing and joking
as if you were okay?

I'm okay
don't mind me
is it really?
you're fine
completely?
just stop;
stop it
stop it
stop it stop it;
it's okay
to say you're not
we're human anyway

regardless of our fright
say it freely
say it loud
say you're greedy
you're allowed
this feeling -
this hurt;
this easing -
it will invert
when I said
i was hurt
it doesn't mean
i am dead
it just meant
i need space
from all this haze
of uncertain maze

i know
i''ll get by
from everything
that prepared me
to die
even if
you're hurt
from that person so curt;
this despair will bare
from time to time
it will care

23.3.2019

"what ifs" and "if only" with "i should've"

It's good to have that self-talk sometimes

we need it for self-motivation

when running to someone else is impossible 

or when there's no trust in anyone - anymore

well, at least for me

i personally feels that; consuming too much of it

will only drag you back to where you're started - believe me, i've been there

it just clarify that you're still holding on to that grudge

hence, that past - the one thing that you

should've let go - long long time ago

there's just too much uncertainty of the past

when there's so much possibility of the future ahead of you

what is done we cannot undone

and the only thing we could do at least is

to keep our heart at faith

and not to guard up so high

because there's just so much beauty

that we haven't' saw yet

it's just too early to give up

not just yet

i always remind myself

to always - always keep my eyes on the road

because there's no point of peeking

the sideways or your rear mirror

when there's aren't much of a life left for you