Type

 I'm not the type
to run away
but in this case,
I'll keep you astray
and stay away

I'm not the type
to bash around
but in this case
I'll stick my ground
from exploiting things
right to your face

I'm not the type
to mind people's business
but in this case
I'll commute
and mend your disease
I'll lend my hand
and with this love;
I'll contribute
a prayer for your tribute -
that you'll find
the right route

In the process

Writing to you 
was never easy
talking was even harder

than breathing

it felt like I'm choking

while I'm drinking

because this burden I'm weighting

and these sins I've collecting

but you always answer with a smile

whenever I hide and grieve

embarrassed with my own deceive

with your hands reaching out

You come and restore this drought

plucking every weed

growing in my throat

washing my feet as I stumble in mud

clothing me with faith

and hope of abstaining

how can I not go with You?

when You promised me

better than the world

better than the Universe

better than my own

it wasn't that hard talking to You

saying 'thank you' was as

good as praying goes

it wasn't hard talking to You

when all I can do

is mend and appose

Old Gold

I get that now

that my body and soul

doesn't click at all

the body wants to party

the soul wants to stay whole

I get that now

that my soul was an old gold

she rather reads

than hit the streets

she rather writes

than scream all night

the body may be young

but the soul was long hung

how do I know?

because I always cry

on the wrong side of a track

every time I hit the Jack and Teq

I get that now

that my body and soul

doesn't click at all

Cursed

Once,
A friend told me this
“Your love is forever cursed”
You either encounter
A blunder
Or end up
In messed up wonder
I don’t know whether
To agree or to curse
Whether to dwell
Or feeling swell

Sacrifice

I cut my hair when I’m sad

An issue with a boyfriend

A friend, a problem, a feeling

Anything in between

Demands a lock of hair

For ritual killing

An offering for the cost

Of rejuvenating

And rise from

The deadly beating

After a while

It grew back and longer

But it won’t last with this anger

Again, it will be offered

To the deity of insanity

In exchange for serenity

It’s a mortal crown

That deserves an eternal frown

Long live the Queen they said

But why do we still stare

To the block of a statue

And sacrifice our virtue?

Every time I cut it

I knew I had it

This overwhelming feeling

Of a broken healing

A timeline I demand

To discover the recover

Of how will my heart begins

To wonder at love all over

But then again

We would never comprehend

Why sacrifice is legit

For a broken woman to commit

In searching for herself

Reunite with oneself

A riddle we all ponder

Forever wander this mysterious monster

Demands a hair

For an exchange

To remain center

New Norms

When distance
becomes closeness
When hands depart
becomes intimate
When Texting
becomes courting
When hugs and kisses
Wrapped up in Xs and Os
These new norms
we're evolving
will it destroy us
or render our love forever?

Quarantine Day-44

Drained

There are times when you're draining from people's judgment.
It happens a lot these days when everything you heard is not entirely the truth and everything you speculate aren't relatable.
Over the past decade, I come to realize that I have wasted my time and energy for no apparent reason. It exhausts me to a point where depression and anxiety excitedly lurking and creeping and waiting for me to fall into a deep sleep and then attack.
It benefits me nothing but shameless accusations and bad views with nonsense speculation. People would still judge you, even when you're just being a good listener. They would still accuse you; even when you didn't say a thing. People would still say that you're being brainwashed or you've picked the wrong sides, even when you're just minding your own business. People would still talk, regardless and just when it hit me; that's when I decided to stop explaining myself. I just let them do whatever makes them superior and satisfied like a sadist craving for pain. I know my stand because I only go where it makes me grow. I won't let any degrading statement takes control of me. I refused to digest on their nonsense saga and I won't budge from where I know my worth. I direct on my drama. I decide my own life. I control my own.